Mixed Feelings

I'm feeling very full of emotion, a little depressed, but also really excited, thankful, and happy too. A couple of things:

1. Happy and so thankful: one of the girls I knew from the government home in Xela is here at Casa now--thank You Lord for bringing her to a much better place where she can really get the care she needs!

2. Bitter-sweet, Exciting, Thankful, Relieved, Concerned, Disappointed, Discouraged, but still Hopeful and Pressing On: 2 of the girls who came through the group home/rehab while I was working there found me on MySpace. I was so excited to hear from them, especially one I'd kept in touch with until she moved and changed her cell #--she was exhuberantly happy to have finally found me--wow--the way she so openly and strongly expressed that nearly brought me to tears. She is still clean, from what I can tell but she's pregnant. The other seems to be ok overall, but is definitely back into the party scene and all that entails, according to the pasttimes she boasts on her MySpace. After hearing from them, I went looking for another girl who actually graduated from that program and was a believer--really strong it seemed. Well, maybe I should've left well enough alone, because I did find her, only to find that her profile states that she's now decided to make some lifestyle changes, not so much for the better. Hopefully not too much has changed, as she was so determined, it seemed, to stay clean. It just makes me so mad sometimes to think that we poured so much into those girls and saw so much change, but so often they just go right back to what they were doing before.

But then I know also that this is not the end of the story, and that Satan could so easily use this to discourage me in the work here and now to think, "What's the point? It doesn't really make a difference anyway--we're just fooling ourselves." But I also know that is a lie. A big fat lie. And I reject it.

I know the Lord is working here and making all kinds of differences in kids lives, and that He was and is still working in that group home...I know the life-change that happened in those girls' lives, and even that is still evident. 17-year-old girls who've been through that kind of junk that no one should ever have to walk through, don't just say, "This is the first place I've ever really felt loved" haphazardly. Those words were spoken in truth, and she still knows how much we still love her. Praise God for the chance to love her and show Him to her. He is sovereign over all this 100%, amen.